Monday, June 7, 2010

I slapped it like I meant it in Whole Foods

So I know what you're thinking. And no, I haven't lost my friggin mind. Well.... Okay so the jury is still out on that one. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Shut up Nurse Betty!

Yesterday I participated in my very first 5K. Since my daughter was with me and Mamma Bestie (Yay for her! It's a boy!), we ended up doing a jog/walk. Actually, Mamma and I cajolled (read: tasered) Princess into walking/jogging. In a weird, sick, twisted way I enjoyed the experience. Wonderful CA capitol scenery, old growth trees shading us as we women walked, jogged, and ran our way through the downtown streets. There were strollers, toddlers, young girls, teenagers, women, and grandmas working all together, cheering each other on. How exilirating!

And afterward we partook of the Whole Foods breakfast where I learned how much I actually enjoy granola and yogurt. In essence, me and all my foodiness would roll around and writhe in the yummy goodness that is Whole Foods Sunflower Agave Granola. I won't though. That would be scratchy and I'm a delicate creature made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Suddenly it had me scurred. Does this mean I'm now a Berkleyite? Am I supposed to start liking the Prius? Should I become a member of tree-huggers anonymous? Because dammit I'll eat some red meat right here, right now. Hmmmm...wonder if breading a chicken breast in Sunflower Agave Granola would be good?

When the Princess and I made it home, we were tired and sweaty, so after we each showered, we decided to cuddle up in bed for some R&R. She decided we needed one last high-five to congratulate ourselves for our accomplishments. So, I begrudgingly high-fived. Evidently I didn't use enough gusto, because she exclaimed that I needed to "slap it like I meant it". Naturally I sensed a challenge and only realized the impending err of my ways after she loudly said "Ow!" when I demonstrated that I now meant it.

Naturally at this event there were thousands of women of all different shapes and sizes. Most of those darlings (i.e. skinny little bitches) were svelte little runners. And even worse, they all had cute little diamond rings. Ick! Yes, I'm jealous. It's such a pretty color on me, don'tya think? I know I shouldn't be, because my life is good and relationships only seem to cause drama. But it got me thinking that I am good enough to be part of a couple, so why aren't I?

I was pondering this with Nurse Betty as we drove all the way to Napa to pick up Sunflower Agave Granola (no I didn't put my mouth up to the dispenser instead of the plastic bag). She and I have both moved past all the hatred and contempt that we felt from our divorces. Me, because the wicked stepmother was kind enough to show my ex the meaning of karma. (K-A-R-M-A!!!! Let's hear it for karma!) Her, because all that nonsense really isn't worth her time. She reminded me of how happy I am just by myself and that friendships among women really are better than any man and bonus! No drama. And you know what? She's totally right!

As I shook the container of granola to release that honey goodness into my basic plastic bag, and that goodness was being stubborn, I remembered to "slap it like I mean it", and suddenly, a waterfall of granola was released. Guess a little bit of violence never hurt anyone!

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