Saturday, December 25, 2010

Don't Try To Eat Them

I'm all about the thoughtful gift, as opposed to the expensive, showy gift. Don't get me wrong - I'm still okay with lavish displays of affection and welcome it wholeheartedly (see But the gifts that speak to who you are and show that the giver has really been paying attention to who you are? Those are the gifts that really mean something!

I'm sure anyone who has read at least one of these posts can attest to my mild fascination (shut up) with donuts. Okay.........

I loooooooooove those tasty little confections of fried, doughy goodness.

And what better way to keep them in my life than a gratuitous display of them? This was a Christmas present from one of my biggest fans, Smudgie. She's been very supportive and is one of the most sincere, wonderful human beings on this planet. And I don't say this just because she gave me this:


Trust me, you can't eat them. I have them purposefully turned around so you can't see the bite marks on the back side.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

King Me

I'm doing the quarterback dance in the in-zone and I'm not even afraid of getting fined. I'm gloating so much that nearly nothing could bring me down off this victory high.

Remember the Christmas Crustacean that Nurse Betty just gifted me? And the "shellabration" I had the moment I received the esteemed pleasure of adorning my tree with that monstrosity? Yeah, Nurse Betty thought she could out-do me. She thought she could make me afraid to buy one more disgusting ornament. She thought she could stop my antics.

She thought wrong.

Hee hee....

Say hello to my little friend, Billy Bob Joe, the clarinet-playing, silver antler-having, red sequined coat-wearing, REINDEER! Billy Bob Joe will soon come to reside on Nurse Betty's tree. I'm sure he'll be very happy there, next to the sparkly green fishy, the Christmas pig (complete with fuzzy red Rudolf nose) and thanks to my hijinks this year, Edna the Christmas frog.

Silver Antlers!

And a Santa hat!

So Sparkly!

A shiny gold clarinet!
And just in case Nurse Betty thought that she was going to escape with just one nasty ornament, I've got a check mate on this little chess match.

Queen is playing in the background. " got mud on your face, you big disgrace..." Boom, boom, clap. Boom, boom, clap. "Weeee will, weeee will, ROCK YOU!"

Meet Shroomie!

Like, totally psychedelic, dude.

A sparkly mushroom cap.

And a mossy base.

Even comes with a clip for ease of decorating!
Check, and mate, bitch.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Penalty Flags

Get that shocked look off your face. This is, in fact, another post just one day after yesterday's. Seems I have a lot to talk about.

So a few posts back, I mentioned that my gut was telling me that things were too good to be true with The Single Boy. I went on and on about how great he is - at which point some of you vomited in disgust - and that my gut kept telling me to run. Since I couldn't grasp that it could be true, that I'd been blessed with a wonderful man in my life, I chalked it up to nerves and fear. Turns out, I should've trusted my gut.

You've been there, right? You've dated the great guy with everything going for him. He's dynamic, adorable, and incredibly funny. He's never rude to anyone and he sticks up for you when you're down. Okay, so on paper he sounds great. But actions and words have to work hand in hand. How is he when you need him because your world is crashing down? How is he when you don't need him? How is he when you're cramming for a big promotion? And does he really hear - and really listen - when you talk?

In short, I realized over Thanksgiving that this fantasy that I was trying to be at ease with was just that - a fantasy. The Single Boy kept reminding me of a character in one of my favorite chick movies, The Holiday. He reminded me of Jasper Bloom. The only issue in this equation is that I happened to be Iris Simpkins. She held on to her relationship with Jasper even after he'd cheated on her because she couldn't let him go. He stuck around because she was a good ego boost for him and when he needed her, she would come trotting along behind him. Uber pathetic, and yet vaguely familiar. The trouble is, that Iris is so adorable and so like us that we root for her to realize how wonderful and deserving she is.

She says something in this movie to the effect that we're supposed to be the leading lady of our own lives and that she was acting more like the affable best friend. Can this be true? Could I have been living my life like the best friend instead of the leading lady? Nurse Betty just about beat that fact into my head for two nights straight. But, no amount of BFF or Bestie or wine can convince you that you are better than how you've been treated. You're the one who needs to realize it for yourself.

So, like my last post, the fear ends now. It's time to let it go...and this time I'm letting him go.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Nothing Says Christmas Like...

Oh how people (Nurse Betty) try to outdo the master of all (me) but oh, how they come up short.

This was an early Christmas present from my BFF. She claims that nothing says Christmas like a salmon colored glass lobster ornament. I respectfully decline that claim but in the spirit of all things BFF, I gladly hung this new ornament on my tree.

Crap Really Does Grow On Trees

I'm sure that this year we'll have quite the....wait for it....wait for it...SHELLABRATION!