Monday, November 22, 2010

In Keeping With Tradition...

It wouldn't be Christmas - or the start of the season - without my annual pilgrimage to Home Goods for Princess 2's traditional hideous ornament gift. Yes, I am just such a godmother that buys disgusting, bottom of the shelf, atrocious holiday ornaments for my goddaughter just to see the look of joy on Princess 2's face and the look of absolute horror on her mother's as she's forced to adorn the tree with said ornament. I'm evil and wicked and conniving, and I freakin' love it! Oh get those looks of distaste off your faces. Would you rather me buy the child a drum set or one of those pop-pop-pop toys? At least this way Princess 2 stays quiet, which is no small feat, given that she has this loud, booming voice that loves to spill out the most inappropriate information at the most inopportune times. Plus, this gives me something to hang over Nurse Betty's head when she's behaving badly. It's kind of like when we parents ruefully pull the Santa card when our kids are behaving badly - only with an adult twist.

It all started two years ago when we were all out shopping at Target. (My mecca, especially the ones that have Starbucks in them... Shhh! I'm having a Target-meets-Starbucks moment. Okay, all good.) It was Christmastime, and we were walking the isles of Christmas wares when Princess 2 stumbles upon the most appalling green sequined fish ornament and falls madly in love with it. It was....charming. (Snickering...) Yes, charming is a great adjective. But Nurse Betty would not have anything to do with it. She was finally starting to acquire all the ornaments she wanted to have on her tree in her post-mortem divorcee life, and she'd be deaf, dumb, and blind before that green sequined fish ornament ended up on her tree.

Enter The Single Girl and cue the evil witch cackle...

The next day I happened to be in Target (shocker, I know) and I happened to be in the Christmas isle, looking at the very same ornament. And oddly enough, that fishy ornament ended up being the only thing that landed in my basket that day. Hmmm....strange.

When the time came to open presents, I made sure that Princess 2 opened her ornament present first. She was so excited to see that fish, and Nurse Betty was, well, happy on the outside. But that sideways look of "I'll get you for this, my pretty" was haunting. (She's never really been able to top that, by the way.) And that very night, Princess 2 proudly displayed her fishy ornament dead-center on her Christmas tree.

Last year I knew I needed to top the year before, so Princess and I went out to Home Goods this time to locate something even more heinous, since Home Goods has no shortage of....well, crap. She and I rummaged through the boxes and laughed hysterically at all the possibilities. That is, until two ladies beside us caught on to all the mischief. They soon became our partners in crime and helped us locate one of the most atrocious ornaments known to mankind: The Christmas Pig.

This was no ordinary Christmas Pig. No....this was a Rudolf Christmas Pig, complete with fuzzy red nose and antlers. Princess and I knew that it was the ornament for Princess 2 the moment we laid eyes on it. We giggled ourselves silly all the way home and then sent Nurse Betty taunting texts about our find. And when we opened presents, Princess 2 just about feinted at the beautiful ornament that she had received. She vowed to place this newest gem next to her green fishy. Two points for Godmommy.

This brings us to this year. I've purchased a sequined fish and Rudolf the Christmas Pig, but how can those be topped? Well, boys and girls, I'd like to introduce you to Edna, the Christmas Frog:

Edna, The Christmas Frog

Edna stands 4" tall and is glass. She has sparkly ruby red shoes, a ruby ring, and real eyelashes, as all Christmas Frogs do. Oh, and don't forget her gorgeous pearl necklace.

Edna's Ruby Red High Heels

Edna's Ruby Ring

Look Mom! Real Eyelashes!

It might be safe to say that after this I'll be impeached from Godmotherhood and be forced to live an abstinent life somewhere in Guatemala as a waitress in a seedy bar. Nice knowin' ya!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Let It Go

It's been a long time since we've last talked. Sigh.... I know. I'm a horrible friend. You've been neglected; cast aside like a half-read paperback not worth reading in its entirety. Dare I say that you've been left to sit out and stale away on the counter like a half-eaten bagel? (We all knew I wouldn't say "donut" in place of "bagel", because let's face it - donuts never make it much further than the car once purchased. They scream tiny sprinkles of screams at their impending fate as I callously walk them to the car and taunt them as I open the bag with calculated intention.) Yes, I've tossed all of you to the side. All the while, I've been gallivanting around to different parts of the country, experiencing joys, experiencing fear, experiencing life. But I'm here now, and it's time to play catch up.

First off, I passed the Big Poppa interview for a promotion. It feels so liberating to finally have this conquered and out of the way. But the real test is to put this all into action. It's one thing to talk the talk - clearly I can talk - but an entirely different thing to walk the walk - even in leopard print peep toes. I've been on that proverbial path taking that walk for three years, but now that I can officially lead the race, there seems to be so much more at stake. It's gonna take time, but time I've got. And although I'm looking at my options now that I'm here, I'm not exactly looking to leap into something new just yet.

Next, when we last left each other, The Single Girl and The Single Boy were having a bit of a power struggle and the heroic, stunningly beautiful Single Girl - shut up, this is my story - was winning. In this ball game, I had hit a home run. We've had a few phenomenal dates in the past few weeks and The Single Girl is wondering how she's gotten so very lucky. There's just one glitch: fear.

Before you start rolling your eyes thinking that this guy is an idiot and he's gonna let a little fear get in the way of something wonderful - which is totally sweet that you're coming to my defense so quickly - let's just clear the air and call a spade a spade. I'm the one to blame here. Yep, I'm the one who's scurrrrrred. Stupid, right? Well, when you're presented with something good after so many times of being disappointed, your mind plays tricks on you. Feel free to throw hard objects my way. My sister will join you - she threw wooden trucks at my head as a baby because she didn't like me.

For years I've experienced a gamut of disappointment. And I shouldn't let these past experiences dictate how I respond in the here and now, but it's the unfortunate truth that our past paves way for our future. It's not so simple to just let go and experience. I instead analyze, I question, and in this case, I almost sabotage. And why? Because past experiences tell me that this isn't real. He can't be real. What he says can't be real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stupid, I know.

It's time for a change, though. And tonight is the perfect night to do just that. After a good cardio session and a pep talk with Nurse Betty, my mind is in the right place. It's time to just let it go and let it be. I've met someone great who makes me laugh. If it lasts through tomorrow or the next day, great. If it lasts beyond that, even better. But by letting go of the pressure I've needlessly placed on the relationship, I can instead just focus on having fun and living in the moment. Time to let it go.