It all started two years ago when we were all out shopping at Target. (My mecca, especially the ones that have Starbucks in them... Shhh! I'm having a Target-meets-Starbucks moment. Okay, all good.) It was Christmastime, and we were walking the isles of Christmas wares when Princess 2 stumbles upon the most appalling green sequined fish ornament and falls madly in love with it. It was....charming. (Snickering...) Yes, charming is a great adjective. But Nurse Betty would not have anything to do with it. She was finally starting to acquire all the ornaments she wanted to have on her tree in her post-mortem divorcee life, and she'd be deaf, dumb, and blind before that green sequined fish ornament ended up on her tree.
Enter The Single Girl and cue the evil witch cackle...
The next day I happened to be in Target (shocker, I know) and I happened to be in the Christmas isle, looking at the very same ornament. And oddly enough, that fishy ornament ended up being the only thing that landed in my basket that day. Hmmm....strange.
When the time came to open presents, I made sure that Princess 2 opened her ornament present first. She was so excited to see that fish, and Nurse Betty was, well, happy on the outside. But that sideways look of "I'll get you for this, my pretty" was haunting. (She's never really been able to top that, by the way.) And that very night, Princess 2 proudly displayed her fishy ornament dead-center on her Christmas tree.
Last year I knew I needed to top the year before, so Princess and I went out to Home Goods this time to locate something even more heinous, since Home Goods has no shortage of....well, crap. She and I rummaged through the boxes and laughed hysterically at all the possibilities. That is, until two ladies beside us caught on to all the mischief. They soon became our partners in crime and helped us locate one of the most atrocious ornaments known to mankind: The Christmas Pig.
This was no ordinary Christmas Pig. No....this was a Rudolf Christmas Pig, complete with fuzzy red nose and antlers. Princess and I knew that it was the ornament for Princess 2 the moment we laid eyes on it. We giggled ourselves silly all the way home and then sent Nurse Betty taunting texts about our find. And when we opened presents, Princess 2 just about feinted at the beautiful ornament that she had received. She vowed to place this newest gem next to her green fishy. Two points for Godmommy.
This brings us to this year. I've purchased a sequined fish and Rudolf the Christmas Pig, but how can those be topped? Well, boys and girls, I'd like to introduce you to Edna, the Christmas Frog:
Edna, The Christmas Frog
Edna stands 4" tall and is glass. She has sparkly ruby red shoes, a ruby ring, and real eyelashes, as all Christmas Frogs do. Oh, and don't forget her gorgeous pearl necklace.
Edna's Ruby Red High Heels
Edna's Ruby Ring
Look Mom! Real Eyelashes!
It might be safe to say that after this I'll be impeached from Godmotherhood and be forced to live an abstinent life somewhere in Guatemala as a waitress in a seedy bar. Nice knowin' ya!