Friday, June 18, 2010

What's Your Sign?

It's been a long day today, but I had plenty of time to reflect on something I heard. And no, Nurse Betty, I didn't need all that time to form a thought. And no, Mamma Bestie, I didn't need a cold compress or Motrin afterward because of how much it hurt to formulate a thought.

I started my journey back home from Ontario at 5:30 am (too early for even the rooster to be awake, frankly) and as I came down over the Grapevine, (and smelled the lovely Kern County stench) the radio DJ started talking about a recent blind date that she had. On a side note, wtf KC? What are you pouring into the air to make it smell so bad? I used to live there and don't remember that rotten garbage perfume permeating the air. And yes, I showered, so I was certain it wasn't my own Eau to Single Girl.

I digress...

So, after some brief small talk, the DJ's date asked if he could ask her a few questions. She thought the request was seemingly innocent, so she obliged. Naturally she assumed the questions would involve the typical job interview variety, like where she was from, how many brothers and sisters she had, etc. Wrong! First question up - and this loser's last - "what's your credit score?" Seriously? What the heck do you need to know that for?

She didn't answer at first, but instead asked why he wanted to know such personal information. He said that he'd like to know so that if he were to get married, that credit would not be a problem for him and his future wife. On the surface this sounds plausible, except for the small fact that when she asked him to divulge this information first, he refused. Really? You're going to be that much of an asshole that you can't proffer this up first? Naturally that date ended moments later. But, this got me thinking. (Plus, I had another 5 hours of driving ahead of me, so I had some time on my hands, along with Motrin and a cold compress...and a clothespin for my nose. Seriously KC, W.T.F????)

When did our credit score start defining who we are as an individual?

We need credit to buy a car, a house, and even get a job. Our score follows us through life and can reflect poor personal choices or a stringent care to detail and responsibility. Some of us are suffering from the pains of the current economy or a divorce, but whatever the score, it's still ours to own. I get it. It's simple. But, aren't there other scores in life that are simply more important?

Remember that gigilo neighbor Larry from Three's Company? He used to frequent the bar and use the tired old 70's pickup line of "What's Your Sign?". Larry might have been on to something. I was thinking... (after I dosed up on Motrin and had the cold compress on my head and clothespin on my nose as I drove. Yes, truckers honked at my getup. I'm hot.) I was thinking that it would be so great if we all carried around signs of our own. I'm not talking about astrological signs, I'm talking personality trait signs. Kind of like those numbers that pop up over people's heads in the V8 commercials? Only this time, this poor girl's blind date would have a sign over his head that read "Superficial Prick" or "Nosey Dickwad".

I've been on some dates, and it would have been nice to have this sign ahead of time. You've been there, I'm sure. Everyone's met "Easily Freaked Out By Committment So I Have To Drive 7 Hours To Check My Fishtank Pump In The Middle Of The Night" or "Cheater" or "Liar" or (Argh!) "Secretly Gay Roller Skater". Wouldn't it be great if their sign read "Wonderful Heart" or "I Respect You" or "Understands Committment"? We'd be able to pick out the crapweasels from the herd and simply relocate them to somewhere more appropriate, like hell.

We ladies have our own signs to contend with, though. We've had to put up with the bull that men have put us through, and consequently, our signs read "Bruised", or "Lied To". We are survivors, though. We are strong, independent women with wonderful hearts. The women in my life are beautiful both inside and out. We come in all different shapes and colors. We have different personalities and gifts to offer this world. Most of all, we have our experiences that make us who we are. I've been through some trials and tribulations.

Yes, I dated "Secretly Gay Roller Skater" and "Fishtank" guy. But through it all, I've learned. I remember who I am, what I am all about, and where I want to go in life.

I smile.

I show the world my heart.

I stay true to who I am.

I tell corny jokes to make people laugh.

And I hold my sign up proudly. It reads "Happy".

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