Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tampons and cat food...omg

So this is what my life has become? A Thursday afternoon in July with beautiful weather and not a care in the world - work? what's work? - and I'm out buying tampons and cat food. Nice. Really nice. Even better when the clerk at the store gives you the sympathetic head-cocked-to-the-side smile. Yes, my life has been reduced to PMS bouts and hungry neurotic cats. Give me my frackin' blood soakin' tampons and just be on your way, would ya?

I really shouldn't be complaining, right? I have a job, albeit a great one that allows me to work from home, and I occupy one of the cutest apartments I've ever seen. But even though I have blessings to be thankful for, there are a few wrinkles.

First, I am dangerously close to flirting with "cat lady" status. If I don't go to cat adoption anonymous soon, I will probably end up being that one old lady that kids run from and that no one visits on Halloween. Kids tell rumors that if they look her in the eye she will snatch them up and cook them. Hmmm...something to aspire to.

I'm 33, divorced, and really - my girlie parts are going to grow cobwebs soon. It's bad enough that I can practically play bango with my sagging boobs. Are there no reliable men in this world? If they are cute, then they are egotistical. If they are employed with a good job, then they worry that they will have to support you. And when that's not bad enough, personal hygiene really comes into question. Seriously! Men, listen up! Teeth are supposed to be white and should all be there. If you don't brush your teeth, go to the dentist, or even know how to spell dentist (you'd be suprised), ask a friend. Preferably one who doesn't have summer teeth. (Some 'r there, some 'r not...)

So when I say that I'm depressed about having to buy tampons and cat food, you know what my life really is like. No, single life is not pretty. It sucks.

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