Friday, May 13, 2011

Poke, Poke, Poke

I'm bored. Sigh….

Uninspired. Oh, woe is me…

Lacking in fun. Boo hoo hoo…

And when I get this way, I make my fun. Muah ah ah ah ahhhhhhh…..

Last night I finally bought a Kindle after 18 months of pining away for one. Kindle, Kindle, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

The first book I purchased on my new Kindle was Jen Lancaster's latest installment, If You Were Here. (I highly recommend this author. If you've never laughed hysterically on a crowded Southwest plane – while reading a book, which is apparently important that I clarified - so much so that people thought you were A) off your meds, B) having a heart attack, or C) about to have an accident in a town just south of vomit, then I suggest purchasing each one of her books and hopping on the first flight out.)

I thought the new purchase would fill the boredom void I've been experiencing. Alas, it did not.

Cue the suspenseful music, the wicked Grinch smile and the evil wringing of hands, as all villains do.

What, oh what, would possibly bring joy to my heart? I started making a mental list.

Trip? Nah. I'm heading out next week and at this point should just relocate to Southern CA.

Killer new stilettos? A trip to Nordstrom Rack and a pair of $20 Soffts that mysteriously made it to my car solved that last week.

Hug from Princess? Ew. Smellage times twenty these days.

Usually when I’m bored I start poking Princess in the arm. It’s a lot of fun. She’s like the little sister I never had, despite dressing my little brother up in my mom’s clothes when we were younger. (He’ll deny that one completely, just so you know.) She annoys me and does things on purpose just to annoy me, so poking her in the arm when I’m bored and want to stir up some fun is a nice little payback!

Since she wasn’t available, who could I possibly poke with just as much return on investment?

Think, think, think…

I had to do something drastic… Poke!

Still thinking. I might hurt myself.

Something lasting… Poke!

Think harder! Ow! I did hurt myself. (Note to self: must not poke own self to gratify boredom void.)

Or something sinister, laced with evil BFF plots. Poke!

...the music gets louder...

Aha! Hallelujah! Eureka! I’ve got it! Poke! Poke! Poke! Poke!

And somehow, some way, my car ended up at Home Goods last night. Just drove itself right on over. Like Kit…

Not so scary, you say?

Well, right about now, Nurse Betty has just raced home and changed all the locks on her house.

Or she’s relocated to Jupiter.

With no forwarding address.

She understands how dangerous that place can be for her. (See posts entitled King Me and In Keeping With Tradition.) The last time I went to Home Goods, she ended up with two of the most adorable Christmas ornaments ever.

E V E R!

Nurse Betty and I have this love-hate relationship with Home Goods. I love to go there and purchase one-of-a-kind works of crap art for her. She hates it when I send her taunting texts of what I am threatening to do purchasing for her. But this level of evil brings joy to my heart and makes me giggle like a little girl. Boredom problem SOLVED!

Cue Single Girl happy dance in the rain! (As all happy dances are done in the rain.) I was even doing the running man. Join me, if you will. *Parachute pants optional.

What does this have to do with Nurse Betty, you ask? Well, if any of you know Nurse Betty, you know that she's about to redo her backyard. Pics will be coming along with a full diary of what is happening, complete with my own sarcastic (read: intelligent, pertinent, fascinating, and downright awesome) commentary. But what is a new backyard without a fabulous lawn ornament?

Hee hee hee hee hee hee....

The pictures you see below are among the top contenders for Nurse Betty’s hideous fabulous new lawn ornament. Please vote on your favorite as soon as possible so that the item is not snatched up by some other sinister BFF with her own plot of world domination. Bonus imaginary donut points awarded to those who also name the work of art. Let the voting begin!

She who poketh the beast, runneth the fastest.

Yay for painted frogs!

Or a painted gecko?

Ooh! A slumbering buck tucked under a bush would be nice...

Here's Princess with a lovely green gecko.

A fishing frog is always a great accoutrement for a new backyard.

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