Monday, October 18, 2010

Ima Be Me

It's 1:30 am, and despite needing to be up in just a few hours to catch a flight out for a business trip, my body has decided that it is wakie wakie time. I thought I was getting a sore throat, which inevitably leads to a cold, and to prevent this whole mess, I took Nyquil. I refuse to get sick. Yes, I know it has Tylenol in it, and yes, I know I'm allergic. But I figured the side effects outweighed the possibility of sitting in a conference room wishing I were dead. And yet, sadly, now I'm wide awake blogging about being wide awake. And for some reason, The Black Eyed Peas started playing in my head.

Ima be, Ima be, Ima be me-e-e.

Oh hush. You don't see me mocking you because Right Said Fred talks to you in your dreams and taunts you to sing "I'm Too Sexy" in your fedora.

It's odd how certain songs pop into your head when you need a pep talk from a higher power. Today has been no different. Have you ever noticed that when you start or try anything new, deprecating, self-destructive, self-doubt starts to crop up? Confidence has always been a problem for me. Deep inside, I still see an awkward, clumsy girl with a crooked front tooth and a double chin. I'm usually able to keep that girl away, tucked nicely away in Pandora's box, but given time and a little bit of added anxiety - and apparently a couple swigs of Nyquil - and she comes out. Ima be me, and convincing myself I'm good enough has always been a problem. So here's where it ends. Time for a self-imposed Single Girl pep talk. Here goes. No laughing.

Ima be the girl who doesn't eat vegetables. I can't stand leafy greens, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and a whole range of other veggies. And I'm not the least bit sorry. I am who I am and I'm not going to change that.

Ima be clumsy. I've always been this way, and if tripping over thin air were an Olympic sport, I'd be a three-time gold medalist. You can suck it, Kerri Strug. It doesn't mean that I won't try new activities, it just means that I might not be good at them. I am who I am and I'm working on this.

Ima be artistic, and not necessarily sporty. Yes, Sir Kicks My Ass and Laughs About It says I'm tough and capable of a lot more than what I give myself credit for, but deep down inside self-doubt interferes with that ability. I am a creator rather than a conquerer. I am who I am and I create art through cooking, photography, gardening, and being a loving mother.

Ima be the Single Girl who owns three cats and lives in an apartment, blogging, scrapbooking, cooking, and gardening. This does not make me a cliche. This does not make me pathetic. This makes If you have a problem with it, kiss off. I am who I am and I'm happy with my life.

Ima be the one who has fluctuating weight. As much as I fantasize about food, it isn't the problem. Working out and staying active is my problem. The problem is that if I don't purposefully make time to get to the gym then I simply find excuses not to go. I know I shouldn't let myself get that way because it's my health that will eventually pay the price, but living is so much more important than working out sometimes. I'd rather live, experience, and interact than go work out. I am who I am and although I just made it back into my skinny jeans, I still see a fat girl in the mirror.

I am who I am.

I am who I am.

I am me.

I am good enough.

I am high on Nyquil.....

1 comment:

  1. Loquat is for cough and lung in Chinese medicine. Sometimes i would take the Ninjiom Pei Pa Koa which is an extract of loquat when got sore throat.

    You can access info online @