Hair of the Dog Anyone?

Setting: Last night, on the phone with Mama Bestie.

MB:
(Huffing and puffing and breathing hard in the phone. Is kind of a turn on.) "Hello?"

Me: 
(I'm the one who calls her, incidentally.) "What do you want?" I ask with an extra special syrupy whining voice. You know, just to get her used to the joys of motherhood.

MB:
"You're the one who called me. Shouldn't you be asking that question to yourself?" She's continuing to breathe hard and now I'm hearing some crazy noises in the background.

Me: 
"What the hell are you doing over there?" I have to hold the phone away from my ear because of the noise.

MB:
"I'm opening up this deshedding tool I just bought." So. Many. Jokes.

Me: 
"Deshedding tool? Hpmh. Is that what you kids are calling it these days? I used to call it a razor, but maybe with all those pregnancy hormones you have going on, you need an actual deshedding tool."

MB:
Is breathing even louder now. "You are so not funny. And I'm not the one with hair growing on my knuckles."

Me: 
"Did Nurse Betty tell you about that? She didn't tell you about the whole 'knuckle dragger' conversation, did she? And really, what's with the breathing? Are you deshedding something good?"

MB:
"Well, I do want to look good for the birth."

Me: 
"....." She's rendered me speechless.

MB:
"I'm kidding, you nut. It's for the dogs. They needed a good brushing."

Me: 
"I need one for my cats. The hair is outrageous."

MB:
"Riiiiiight. The cats. Is that what you kids are calling it these days?"

Me: 
Ignoring her comment. Mostly because I don't have something witty to say back. "Again, what's with the breathing? If you're gonna breathe like that at least follow it up with some dirty talk."

MB:
"I've got a giant belly that's in my way every time I do anything. You'd be breathing hard, too. Besides, I'm sitting on the chair bending over to brush the dog."

Me: 
"Right. And why is it that I hear this bzzzzzz sound?"

MB:
"It's the deshedding tool. Works better if it vibrates."

Me: 
"Riiiiiight. Maybe I need to get one, too. You know, for the cats. And so I can look good for the birth, too."

MB:
"....." Awesome. I shut her up.